


Heartbeat

by virkatjol



Category: Farscape
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-15
Updated: 2011-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-27 08:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virkatjol/pseuds/virkatjol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My own version of how Twice Shy should have happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [schmacky](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=schmacky).



> I tweeted that I wanted a video to the song "Heartbeat" by The Fray. And Schmacky offered it up for something in exchange. Here is what I came up with. I hope it was worth your time vidding! Thanks BB!!!
> 
> Here is the companion vid: http://youtu.be/47JaVf727iI

"You don't understand."

And she's right, he doesn't. But that doesn't make it less real, less hurtful, for him. She's acting like he doesn't want to understand. That isn't the case. Not even close.

"Aeryn…" He holds his hands over his face, slowly sliding them down, trying to wipe away this conversation. He starts again. "Aeryn, I love you."

The visible swallow, the way she looks away, it hurts him. She can see what happens. The worst part is that she knows. She gets how much he loves her. She felt it, she bathed in it, she rejoiced in it. But…

It wasn't him. And it was. Her life is full of confusion but none of it has torn her apart like this.

The worst of it is that she knows that it's her - his reason for taking those frelling drugs. She hates herself even more for not being able to handle her emotions enough to deal with it. And he couldn't deal with her not dealing with it.

A frelling mess, all of it.

"It was John Crichton." His voice is more than a whisper, but not by much. It brings her back from wherever her mind has just been. "Do you think that I would have acted any differently than him."

They are going to do this? "I-"

"Don't think just answer the question."

"No." This is impossible. "He… you, died in my arms." She can feel the pain in her own voice. See the reaction in his face as he hears her.

"You died, too." While her voice always raises his just keeps steady, quiet. "I know how you feel."

"You don't. I'm here." She tosses her arms as if to demonstrate.

"So am I." He walks forward and she doesn't back away. "I let you leave once. I let you walk away because we couldn't get past this. I can't do that again."

She looks away when he's so close that she can feel his heat. He's breathing quickly, puffs of air make the loose wisps of hair tickle her cheek. There's no words. He just takes her hand, one hand. He plays with her fingers for a minute, it's almost too much.

Almost.

He's lifting it upwards. She can't look, not yet. Seeing this would be… too, too real. Everything she lost on that planet is careening though her brain. All the feelings, the memories, the love… It's crushing.

John splays her hand flat against his before pulling it further up. He pushes his shirt up with their arms until her hand is resting on his chest, right there, over his heart.

She's about to look up, but he stops her. Tells her to close her eyes. "Does it feel different?" The first tear escapes and her fingers clench against him. Her nails will leave marks, he'll happily bear them. "Does it?"

The steady thump under her hand as his heart pumps the life giving blood through him is familiar. She knows the sound. She craves it.

It's not enough for her to just feel with her hand though. She pulls away and he tenses until she rests her ear there instead. The pitter patter is clearer now. Her breath shudders as she draws in his scent.

"No." That's when the dam breaks. Aeryn is almost numb with the overload of feelings that flood her. "I feel it… your heartbeat."

"I'm alive." He tips her head up to look at him now, her eyes are still closed. "Open your eyes. Tell me what you see,"

"The man I love." She chokes on her sob as she realizes that it's true. Yet it's not. She can feel his breath on her face and she wants more. More of what she used to have. What she can have again if she's willing to take it.

That's what he's been waiting for months for. The reason he's been taking the lakka. Until she can see that there were never two different men, except in body. The choices are the same. He's overheard Rygel tell snippets of what happened. Always to Chiana when they were sticking their noses in his business. Never to his face. But everything he's heard were things he knows, deep down, that he would have done too.

"You're sure?" The relief in his voice seems to come too quickly. There's always a catch, isn't there? Her face says everything though. And he can see his own tears falling down onto her cheeks. Rain on Sun. She feels hot against him, so warm and he bends down and touches his lips against hers.

The kiss is short. It's just a test, what will happen? When he pulls back - just slightly, her fingers are on his neck demanding he return. Her lips part this time and it's like the end of everything else.

All that matters is her. Here. Now. They're on the move and she's backed up against Moya's wall. The ships large ribs cradling her body. He tugs her closer to him, hoists her up and they crash backwards against the hull again. Chest to chest, hip to hip. Hands gripping and pulling, touching and holding.

When their lips are swollen and bruised from kissing they just hold each other - hugging tightly while protected by Moya. Their faces pressed into each others necks while both of them catch their breaths.

"I'm sure." Aeryn mutters the words and a hitch in his chest brings them in synch. They are in rhythm again. He can feel it too, the matching pounding in their chests. If only for a moment until her's speeds up.

"A little at a time?" It's more than just about biorhythm and they both know it. She nods and he smiles before letting her down. "No more drugs."

She gives him a small smile. "No more denying." She takes a deep breath and lets her gaze penetrate his eyes, burrowing into his soul. "No more yesterdays."

An agreement that suits them. "Beyond hope, Aeryn. No matter what."

The end


End file.
